Thought for the Week

In just a few short lines a recovering addict has written a remarkable description of both the agony and ecstasy of porn-viewing. His analogy is both incisive and unnerving–precisely because it rings so true. Read the following slowly, allowing the words and meaning to penetrate deeply into your psyche. By doing so you may gain… Read More →

It was just one sentence, spoken with utmost sincerity and without any hint of irony, humor, or sarcasm. Fred, my sex addict client, was referring to one particular escort he had been seeing regularly for months. His belief about this woman was stunning in its simplicity and transparency: “You know, Dr. Bixler, I think she’d… Read More →

One of the great challenges for a recovering sex addict is learning how to handle sexual urges/cravings successfully. A typical approach entails trying to fight them off, subduing them through sheer will power. In 12 Step parlance this is known as “white knuckling.” While it may be effective for some, most of the time it… Read More →

Prior to the 20th century Chinese emperors reserved a specific kind of torture and execution for crimes considered especially heinous, such as treason. The process involved cutting the body of the condemned many times over an extended period until death ensued. The Chinese term for this form of execution is Lingchi, but in the West… Read More →

There are scores of people who have a decreased ability to digest lactose, a sugar found in dairy products. Symptoms such as abdominal pain and nausea can develop if milk-based foods or liquids are consumed. This condition is called lactose intolerance. Sex addicts develop their own kind of intolerance, not to food products, but to… Read More →

Homer, in his epic poem, The Odyssey, describes the many adventures of the Greek king, Ulysses, during his ten year journey back to his home after the Trojan War. In one particularly harrowing episode, he is forced to sail through a narrow strait. On one side sits Scylla, a six-headed creature who will devour everyone… Read More →

Many sex addicts, prior to recovery, feel great despair after years of failed attempts to stop acting-out. They have come to believe there is no way out. But there is a way out and that way is hope. Hope can sponge away the despair etched in the addict’s heart. Not only is hope possible, it… Read More →

In the 1940s movie “Gaslight” a husband attempts to find and steal his wife’s inheritance hidden somewhere in their house. In a crucial scene, his wife notices that the gaslights are flickering. He had caused the flickering by turning them on in the attic while looking for the valuables. To avoid her becoming suspicious he… Read More →

Jack Flynn, a former client, was raised in a home where he was severely emotionally and physically abused. He has written a powerful memoir, Smash-Mouth Jesus, about his healing journey. In the book he describes his first encounter with pornography as a child. He has done a remarkable job of making sense of that experience… Read More →

As children most of us played some form of hide-and-seek. It was fun to find a great hiding place and never be found. But eventually the game ended and those who were not discovered revealed themselves to their playmates by coming out in the open. However, many adults continue their own version of this game…. Read More →

“Sex addiction is just a term used to excuse bad behavior”–this is what many people believe. Women whose partners have been caught acting-out sexually are often very reluctant to accept this label. They fear that doing so would exempt the addicts from the need to take full responsibility for their deceitful and destructive behavior. It… Read More →

Many sex addicts reason that viewing pornography is not infidelity (cheating) because they are not engaging in actual sexual contact with another person. Looking at pictures or videos seems fairly minor when compared to being with escorts or frequenting sexual massage parlors. Thus, they are often at odds with their partners who react so negatively… Read More →