Many sex addicts, prior to recovery, feel great despair after years of failed attempts to stop acting-out. They have come to believe there is no way out. But there is a way out and that way is hope. Hope can sponge away the despair etched in the addict’s heart. Not only is hope possible, it is essential to recovery. Without it the center cannot hold, everything falls apart.
Hope can be defined as “a positive outlook based on an expectation that good can, and will, happen.” To be clear, it is not wishful thinking, e.g., “I hope I win the lottery.” Rather, authentic hope is grounded in reality–the reality that sex addicts can and do get better, sex addicts can and do live clean and sober lives, sex addicts can and do become different people.
Another reality is that groups such as Sex Addicts Anonymous are effective for those who put their own will aside and invest fully in the 12-Step program. It is also a reality that sex addiction therapy provided by a trained specialist can be invaluable in helping addicts heal emotional wounds which have made them vulnerable to acting-out as a form of self-medication.
Hope believes change is possible, it looks expectantly into the future. Hope is active, not passive. Hope has wings. It moves one to do whatever is necessary to gain sobriety and recovery. In poker, this approach is described as “going all in.”
Hope is nourished and grows in community. When a newcomer joins a hopeful community, such as SAA, the addict is presented with a vision of what is possible–real recovery. That vision actually becomes contagious. Being around hopeful people and hearing their hope-filled stories can increase the hope of each community member.
It is true that hope can sometimes ebb and flow. While it can certainly grow stronger over time, circumstances may arise which can temporarily diminish hope. When that occurs, it is vital to connect strongly to one’s recovery community, talk with others whose hope is contagious, and continue to work diligently on recovery.
The story of Pandora’s box is well known. One of the gods gives a box to Pandora cautioning her to never open it. Eventually her curiosity gets the better of her and she lifts the container lid. Out of the box fly all the troubles and pains of life–death, disease, suffering are released out into the world. After all the evils have been loosed, the distraught Pandora notices one last moth-like creature flying from the box. She is terribly afraid, but musters up the courage to speak to it and asks, “Who are you?” A still, small voice answers, “I am hope.”
Sex addiction brings with it much pain, brokenness, loss, shame, sorrow. But in the midst of all this, listen to the quiet voice that says, “I am hope.” Listen and grasp onto that small creature–grasp on and never, never let go!